Thoughts

All this year has been really a roller coaster ride for me, good times, happy times, but it's almost a year since he's gone and I am still hurting too much.

I must admit I don't cry so often, but there is no night when I can't stop thinking about him and how much I miss him. People have been telling me that writing my feelings will work to get it all out and I will feel better.. I still haven't been able to do that since it makes me cry every time I try to talk about it.

Sometimes I feel like I'm very childish for still crying and still feeling bad, but I just haven't found the answer yet, how can you get used to live without your best friend whom you've lived with for 41 years? I still haven't found the answer to that.

I've been dreaming about him, and sometimes it has been helping me feel a bit better.
I even dreamed about him on Xmas Eve, I dreamed that I was in the dining room sitting with him, mom was cooking and I saw him, he was looking at me smiling he asked for a kiss pointing at his cheek the way he used to, I kissed him and I did not feel anything, so I saw him and asked me again to give him a kiss, the second time I kissed him and hugged him, I told him how much I missed him and how much I loved him, he smiled at me and then mom came and he was gone... I woke up and cried....

Some say "let him go, let him go" but I just don't know how to "let go" someone I miss and love very much.

I'm in a "game" called Second Life, my dad introduced me to it, when he passed away I donated some of his lindens to the American Cancer Society in Second LIfe, they have been helping me through the year and now, for the first time my partner and me will be doing a fund raiser party for the American Cancer Society, I want to give back something of what they have done for me and all the friends I have found. I hope we can raise a lot of money for them.

Anyway, I will try (but don't hold your breath!) and "talk" about this, maybe it will help me in the long run, maybe not, who knows?